Have you ever felt like you’ve been the worst friend ever? Have you ever been so caught up with life that 1, 2, 3 months go by and you’re not even sure where the time went? Day in, day out. Work, dinner, kids, car pickup lines, gymnastics, soccer, PTA, that party you RSVPed to, church meeting, that fundraiser you’re heading up, laundry, your favorite TV show, school, shower – if you’re lucky. Sound familiar?
Where do we fit in friendships? Our relationships?
I wrote this letter in my phone back in April 2016. It was pretty late in the evening, around 10pm. I remember I was sitting in my spot on the sectional – at the end of the “L.” After re-reading this the other day, I could just feel the low, dark place I was at at that point in time. I didn’t write this with any one person in mind – I had several in my head – friends, close friends, and people who had been there for me. I had this overwhelming feeling of being ungrateful, and most likely undeserving. Not that it was ever my intention not to show my gratitude and utmost appreciation to these people, but this is what I had written.
To those who needed a better friend:
I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.
I’m sorry I wasn’t the person you needed me to be.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to support you.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to be your advocate.
I’m sorry I didn’t give you more grace.
I’m sorry I didn’t write more.
I’m sorry I didn’t call more.
I’m sorry I didn’t say the things I needed to say.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to lift you up.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hug you more.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to fill your cup.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
After reading this again, it still has the same meaning to the same people. But now, today, I feel like more than ever, I was writing this apology letter to someone much more important.
This letter was for me.
I needed to be a better friend to myself. I needed to be there for me. I needed to tell myself all the positive things I wasn’t telling myself. I needed to fill my own cup. I needed to give myself a great big “hug.” I needed to give myself grace.
We can get so caught up in the daily tasks that months go by and have no idea how we got there. We have to learn to be kind to others, be gracious, and be kind to ourselves.
Would you have an apology letter to yourself? What would your apology letter say?
After you write your apology letter, take action and start working on these things for yourself. When you learn how to do these things for yourself, doing them for others will be a breeze. Once you start practicing filling yourself up as well as others around you, you’ll begin to notice your I’m-sorrys will eventually turn into thank-yous. From others. And from YOU.