portrayal of hope

discovering hope + courage after loss

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Month: July 2017

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July 20, 2017July 20, 2017 / Danielle / Leave a comment

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Day 9 | My magic reset buttons are traveling and creating. Whether it's with Chris, girlfriends, family, or solo, traveling always is a good reset for me. From observing new things in the airport to getting away from work and the day-to-day routine, it's a nice refresh. I always come back with a recharge and new perspective. This weekend, I'm heading back to my hometown in Oklahoma #tahlequah and I'm actually really excited to see my family and visit since the last time I came home home was 2 years ago for my little sister's wedding! I'm also sneaking away next weekend for a quick getaway with a dear girlfriend @zionnps for the @spark_womens_retreat ✨🏕 and I can't wait! . When I can't travel (you know because time+money 🙄), I create to reset. Over the last year or so, I realized I love to create. Whether it's writing, making digital graphics, coloring, blogging, taking and editing pictures - making something out of nothing gives me that time alone I crave (extrovert-introvert here🙋‍♀️) and works that little part of my brain that sometimes gets neglected in my day-to-day. . What's your magic reset button? ✨🍷💆‍♀️💅🛀🙏🌿 #10thingstotellyou hosted by @laura.tremaine 💕 #DNCspdxcollection #DNCxPDX

Day 8 | Something I'm struggling with right now is wanting to share more of myself and my struggles in this space (ha!), but also wanting to keep quiet and move along. I've overanalyzed this to death, as I do, and I can't decide if it's more of a fear thing or more of a self-worth thing. Fear of what people will think. Fear that I may offend someone or that people may not understand. Fear that people may not care, and if they don't care, then is all of this a failure? Is it all for nothing? Fear of success. Yes, you read that right. What if this turns out to be really cool? Am I worthy of that? Can I keep up? Can I measure up to those expectations? My go-to is to be an observer, and when I'm not feeling 100% great or get down on myself, my go-to is withdraw. Definitely not open up and share. That's why the past couple of years I have felt like an imposter. (#impostersyndrome anyone? 🙋‍♀️) When people have told me I'm brave or that I'm so strong, I cringe and wonder how in the world they see that. Because some days I'm feeling all of those things I listed above 👆 I don't feel brave, I don't feel strong. But what I've also learned is that, more times than not, when I do share my heart and share from a place of love, kindness, and compassion, I receive the same in return. From my people. 💕 My people being some I know and some who are complete strangers, but we have somehow crossed paths in this crazy social media/internet world. My goal, my passion is to shine light into this sometimes very dark world 🕯 So I WILL continue and strive to share more of myself and my work with YOU. The good, the messy, and the scary. I'm here for it 👊 and I hope and would be delighted if you were here for it too 💖 #10thingstotellyou hosted by @laura.tremaine

Day 7 | A recent discovery. These are getting harder and harder to just pick one thing, so I'm cheating again today 🙃 . + The flower for Sarcoma is the sunflower. I just recently discovered this (thanks to a new @hopewriter friend @sparklysurvivor 💛), and they've been popping up everywhere around me 🌻 coincidence? It never is, is it? 📸: @chrismadrigal8 😘 . + @lauren_daigle and her amazing talent. I just started listening to her and I can't quit. If you haven't heard any of her stuff yet, I highly recommend you take a listen. So so so good. . + Waterloo > La Croix 🙊 I know! LC key lime, tangerine, and coconut will always be my faves, but this new discovery of waterloo... may easily beat out all the other flavors. They actually taste like the fruit they're claiming to be 🤷‍♀️ . + @thenester and her Cozy Minimalist class is not only life-changing, but life-giving. As a recovering vintage-lowkey hoarder and target-dollarspot addict, this course gave definition to the emotion I was feeling when I felt burned out from all my years of vintage shopping. This course will forever change how and most importantly why I shop for our home. And bonus: right now if you preorder her book #cozyminimalisthome before Oct 3rd, then you get the course for FREE! Run and just trust me. I'm speaking from experience of buying all the things and left still feeling like it's not enough. . Okay, I'll stop because I could go on all day 😂 #selfdiscovery #allthelessons . #10thingstotellyou hosted by @laura.tremaine 💕

Day 5 | I have mixed feelings about... well, a lot of things, apparently. At first, I couldn't really think of anything. And then, I thought of several. Some serious and some not so much. Dairy, pumpkin spice lattes, Will & Grace coming back, social media, the internet in general, success, and bucket lists - just to name a few. I'll do a deeper dive into some of those more serious ones later (we'd be here all day 😂). . . Day 6 | A defining moment of my life was... gosh, where do I start with this one?? Finishing my Masters and getting published (academically). That one proved to me that I could write, and write well enough to be published. I once had a professor tell me my writing was "not good." Now, I'm sure there was some merit to that (it was during a very stressful time), but those few words stuck with me for years. They made me believe that all my writing was terrible. But then, I wrote the biggest thing to date, and that for me was a huge accomplishment and defining moment. Becoming a widow. This one for so many reasons. But mainly, it forced me to evaluate and look at myself with a new lens. Who am I? What do I want? And solidifying my belief in faith. Moving to Oregon. I had never lived anywhere else besides my home state. This was a big move for me, I was scared to death to do it, but it also felt like the pieces were coming together without much effort. And the main one that almost immediately came to mind was that 1st day in 9th grade science class when Kenneth Comer met Danielle Girdner. Had we never met, none of the above would have happened the way it did. I wouldn't have been motivated to finish or even go after my 2nd degree, let alone get published. I wouldn't have become a widow or tested my faith. I never would have considered moving across the country, and I definitely never would've met Chris and countless other amazing people that I've met through @hopewriters, blogging, my new jobs 💕✨ people I can't imagine not being in my life today! I'm forever grateful for that 1st day in 9th grade science class when a country school boy met a small town girl 🙏🙏 #10thingstotellyou hosted by @laura.tremaine

Day 4 | I am strangely good at remembering things. And not just normal things, but strange, irrelevant details. Like what you wore the 1st time we met, how things were arranged in the fridge, the total on the receipt at dinner. I'm not sure how or why I have a {semi} photographic memory, but it's just how I remember things - by the way they look. For a test, I'd memorize how things looked and were arranged on the study guide, and not necessarily the content. Which probably explains why I wasn't great at reading comprehension 🤷‍♀️ the only thing that I can think of that contributed to this special gift is that when I was younger and we would be driving the short 7-min car ride home from an evening at Grandma & Grandpa Tahlequah's, I would ask my parents if we could play "the game." The game being my dad saying a series of random numbers, usually about 7, and then I would have to recite them back to him in order. (Crazy what entertained us before the internet, right?) Well, in order to do that, I would picture the numbers in my head as he was saying them. And then I would recite them back as quickly as I could after he was done. I was really good at this game. (I know, I was a super cool kid...) And I'm sure I will have a just as annoying kid asking to play silly games on short car rides home. Honorable mentions for this category were: math (numbers again, shocker), investigating/finding out information (aka low key social media stalking 🤷‍♀️), and eyeballing and hanging a picture without a level. Do you have any crazy, weird special talents? What are you strangely good at? #10thingstotellyou (challenge hosted by @laura.tremaine)

Day 3 | A thing that changed my worldview - being on the other side. Being on the other side of a diagnosis. Being on the other side of the hospital bed. Being on the other side of caretaking. Being on the other side of widowhood. Being on the other side of the country. Being on the other side of fear. Being on the other side of control. Being on the other side has forever changed my worldview and perspective. #10thingstotellyou (this amazing social media challenge by @laura.tremaine 💙)

Day 2 | Someone who has influenced me. This one was tough. I thought about so many different people who have influenced me throughout my life. Teachers, mentors, friends, bloggers, and writers - ones who knew me and others who have no clue who I am. But one lady kept coming to mind. . This one. Lillie Belle Tarkington Girdner. Grandma Tahlequah (that's what we called her). . Looking back, I can see the little things she did and how they influenced and shaped the woman I am today. From her frugality to antique shopping. I remember she'd save the bows at Christmas to reuse for the next year, hand wash and dry the ziploc bags, clip coupons to save 15 cents on her Yoplait, and you can't forget her abundant collection of Cool Whip and miscellaneous butter containers. She hung blankets on a ladder and had a turquoise side table in the living room. She was vintage chic before there was vintage chic. . She pushed and challenged me, even as a little girl. She taught us all how to play cards and solve logic puzzles. She also taught me how to sew, embroider, and cook homemade pancakes (they're better and easier). . She showed me grace and humility. She offered forgiveness when it maybe wasn't deserved, and she could cook a mean southern meal but also wasn't too prideful to call in pizza or pick up KFC for Sunday supper. . She was a night owl and loved HGTV. On any given day, you'd find her in jeans and t-shirt, but in her Sunday best for an opera or ballet. . Most of all, she looked for the good in everyone. Always, in every situation. She assumed everyone was doing their best and gave them the benefit of the doubt. She always offered a little more kindness, and a lot less judgement. She primed me for more than I ever could have imagined possible. #10thingstotellyou (hosted by @laura.tremaine 💕)

Day 1 | I grew up thinking 30 was old, like really old. At that age, I thought you were supposed to be married, have a set job, and have at least one kid, maybe two. I grew up wanting nothing more than having a baby of my own and being a mom. And well, here I am. 32 years old, most days still feeling 27, maybe 28 on a good day. Widowed, kidless, and have had 3 different jobs in the last 3 years. I grew up not thinking this is how it was or this is how it would be. If only I could go back and tell that little girl that no one has it figured out, no one knows what they're doing, and you're always going to be growing up. Always. And that that's okay. #10thingstotellyou hosted by @laura.tremaine (follow along for the fun + conversation 😘💕)

Guess what?? I finally got to take pictures of my favorite guy last week 😊 he's usually the one taking pictures of me, being a good #instagramboyfriend and all 📸 but this time, he was the one in front of the lens 😍😍 maybe one day he'll let me do a whole shoot of just him 🤞😉🙂 #mcm #mce #ORloveisOK #aboyfrommadras #miamorlatino

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