The number of days since you’ve been gone.

It feels like yesterday, it feels like an eternity.

That seems to be the theme in my emotions the past few days… mixed and opposite.

I’m also starting to miss the little silly things, like adding goodies to my wishlist for you because I know how much you loved spoiling me – for a special event or just because, texting you the little things throughout the day – from something funny I saw or something that annoyed me because I know you’d find funny and annoying too, I even miss everyone asking me how you are when I see them, instead how I am…

I constantly having that anxious feeling I would always get when I was away from you – either me being somewhere without you or you being somewhere without me. The sad thing is, this anxious feeling isn’t going to go away when I get home.. or ever.

I’m just so torn.. with everything. I’m ready to be alone, but not in the slightest. I want to be at my “new” normal – another one, yet again – as quickly as possible, but at the same time, I know the closer I get to it, the further I move away from that day 7 days ago, those memories, from you… which I know isn’t the case because you will always be with me, but it sure feels like it right now.

Ironically, the further away I am from that day, the closer I am to being with you again..

“I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me

And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go

You put your arms around me and I’m home.”  {“Arms” by Christina Perri}

 

I miss home.